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Caskets On Parade ... Mythical and Legendary "People"

  Caskets On Parade  >  Book of the Dead  >  Mythical and Legendary "People"
©2013 C.O.P. Audit Committee - file update generated 10-4-2013 at 20:25 GMT

original cover art for 'Naked Came the Stranger' ephemeral author  Penelope Ashe   fictional author of Naked Came the Stranger, a 1969 bogus bodice-ripper penned by a bunch of over-caffinated Newsday employees: Mike McGrady (the ringleader), John Cummings, Harvey Aaronson, Bill McIlvain, Robert Wiemer, George Vecsey, Stanley Green, Mal Karman, Robert William Greene, Gene Goltz, Jack Schwartz, Bernard Bookbinder & 13 other members of the paper's editorial staff; the book sold 98,000 copies in it's initial run

The blood-sucking terror from the caves of West Virginia ficticious mutant  Bat Boy   half boy, half bat; "discovered in 1992 in a cave in Hope Falls, West Virginia..."; created by the editor of the Weekly World News supermarket tabloid; subject of 2001 off-Broadway musical

Bond nemesis  Ernst Stavro Blofeld   founder/head of SPECTRE — Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion; given a date-of-birth of May 28, 1908; named for a school chum of Fleming's

British secret agent Commander  James Bond   fictional character created by Ian Fleming, named for an American ornithologist and based upon the real-life exploits of Fitzroy MacLean & Peter Smithers. According to his "biography" Bond was born November 11, 1924, Wattenscheid, England. See list of actors that have portrayed him on tv and in the movies.
¤designation: 007 

fictional movie mogul  Samuel L. Bronkowitz   first appeared in Kentucky Fried Movie as "producer" of such film epics as Catholic High School Girls in Trouble & A Fistfull of Yen

Cover parody of the November 2009 issue of 'Playboy' magazine mega-geezerly plutoniumcrat  Charles Montgomery Burns   owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant; purported place of birth: Pangea

phantom computer columnist  Robert Xavier Cringely   initially created as a "fall guy" by "InfoWorld" to get the blame when something went bad; became nom de plume for various writers at the magazine
  • Cringely #3: Mark C. Stephens (9/1987-12/1995)
  • Cringely #4: Christine Shipley (1/1996-12/1998)

     Betty Crocker   name made up by General Mills in 1921 as a brand name for cooking products; see: Adelaide Cumming

     Deep Throat   the individual that supplied Washington Post reporters Woodward and Bernstein with "inside" information about activities within the Nixon White House during the Watergate scandal; his cover named referred to a cinematic felatrix of the era

    Nazi villan  I. G. Farben   actually a Nazi-controlled chemical company (full name: Interessen Gemeinshaft Farbenindustrie Aktiengesellschaft) created in 1925 by Hermann Schmitz and others through the merger of a number of existing companies. The company used slave labor during World War II (it had a synthetic rubber plant at Auschwitz); it was also part-owner of the company (Degesch) that made Zyklon-G poison used in the death camp "showers"; the headquarters building in downtown Frankfurt-am-Main was (until 1994) the U.S. Army 5th Corps headquarters; now the Humanities Building of Göthe University (building renamed Poelzig-Bau); if you ever get a chance to visit, take a ride on the "paternosters", the continuous belt elevators; in the fall of 2003 the I.G. Farben Trust filed for bankruptcy, to be dissolved to pay off banks (screw the ex-slaves)

    Ribbit former Warner Brothers tv network spokestoon  Michigan Jumping Frog   created by Michael Maltese for the cartoon One Froggy Evening (1955); noted singer of Tin Pan Alley hits
    born on 12-31-1955 in Bogus Swamp, Lansing Township, Ingham County, Michigan
    expired 7-22-2005 in Hollywood, California  age 49   cause: mob hit; wacked by Garth Ancier

     Hercules   mythical strong man, son of the god Zeus and mortal Alcmene; through trickery he became the servant of Eurytheus, king of Argos; in order to gain his freedom he had to perform 12 tasks (as described by the 7th century B.C. poet Pisander) --- they were:
    1. killing the "invulnerable" Nemean lion
    2. destruction of the Lernaean hydra
    3. capture of the Erymanthian boar
    4. capture of the hind of Cerynea
    5. destruction of the man-eating Stymphalian birds
    6. procuring the belt of Hippolyta (queen of the Amazons)
    7. "cleansing" of the Augean stables
    8. capture of the Cretan bull
    9. capture of the man-eating mares of Diomedes
    10. capture of the red cattle of Geryon
    11. procurement of the golden apples of the Hesperides
    12. capture of Cerberus, watchdog of the gates of Hades
    Hercules was also one of the Argonauts, seekers of the Golden Fleece.

    fictional detective  Sherlock Holmes   created by Arthur Conan Doyle; "lived" at 31B Baker Street in London; the character's fan club is known as the Baker Street Irregulars

    rendering of Aunt Jemima advertising icon  Aunt Jemima   originally created as a trademark for self-rising pancake mix (1889); first employed as a living trademark to promote the mix (1893), portrayed by Nancy Green (1893-1923), Anna Short Harrington (1935-55) & Ethel Harper

    advice columnist  Ann Landers   pen name used by Ruth Crowley ( -1955), Eppie Lederer (1955-2002), Jeffrey Zaslow

    early 19th century anti-industrial revolutionary  Ned Ludd   purported to have been active 1811-16; said to have fought against the industrialization of England; the "eponymous" term Luddite refers to the laborers who destroyed labor-saving machinery
    ¤aka: "King Ludd" 

    Marvin the Martian extra-terrestrial  Marvin the Martian   created by Chuck Jones, first appearing in 1948

    Edna Mode "Incredible" fashion designer  Edna Mode

    35,000 year old neolithic "Lemurian warrior"  Ramtha   being "channeled" by J.Z. Knight

    Barbie impossibly-dimensioned toy  Barbara Millicent Roberts   invented by Ruth Handler/Jack Ryan; at 39-21-33 the prototype for Pam Anderson's enhanced body
    ¤aka: the "Barbie Doll

    mythical British nobleman  Robin of Locksley   12th century English nobelman; took refuge in Sherwood Forest with his band of "Merry Men"; reputed to have robbed from the rich and gave to the poor
    ¤aka: "Robin Hood

    21st Century engineer  Anthony "Buck" Rogers   mine cave-in releases a gas that puts him in suspended animation for 500 years; created by Philip Nowlan

    right jolly old elf  Santa Claus   seems real enough to Virginia after newspaper editorial;
    ¤aka: "Kris Kringle" & "Saint Nicholas

    All the news that's fit to print, end then some more that ain't fictitious botulism poisoning victim  Michael Alan Segal   a disembodied voice claiming to be FDA general counsel "Spencer Gottleib" (an actual real person) called the Associated Press and claimed that a can of the tainted vichyssoise, manufactured under the Marshall Field label by Bon Vivant Soups, had put this "individual" in the hospital; the New York Times dutifully printed the story on page 25 of their September 8, 1971 edition; on September 9th the Times printed a followup (page 8), labeling the story a hoax (again based upon the AP's own better late than never followup with the real Mr. Gottleib)

    cover of the November 2009 issue of 'Playboy' magazine with Marge Simpson emulating the October 1971 cover cartoon housewife  Marge Simpson   wife of Homer

    Whatta schmuck! theme park shill  Mr. Six   in 2004 was cloned from the decaying DNA of Swifty Lazar in the Southfield, Michigan underground bunker of W.B. Doner; to the sound of the Vengaboys 1999 non-hit "We Like to Party" prances around the screen like a fool, allegely promoting the Six Flags amusement park chain; once thought "dead", he arose from the grave in 2009; said to be "animated" by Queer Eye for the Straight Girl's Danny Teeson; how 'bout a new slogan — something like Six Tombstones, More Fun, ya twerp?

    mysterious crime lord  Keyser Söze   the power behind the scenes in The Usual Suspects (1995)

    The rectilinear trouser man hizself fast food worker  Sponge Bob Squarepants   involved in the production & distribution of krabbie patties
    ¤Porifera Spongia Rectilinius 

    reputed hooter-holster inventor  Otto Titzling   bogus claimant to the invention of the brassiere; claim advanced by Wallace Reyburn

     Tugboat Annie   master of the tugboat Narcissus operating out of Puget Sound; created by Norman Raine; portrayed onscreen by Marie Dressler

     Vulcan   Roman god of fire and metalworking, from whom the term vulcanize came

    Tell us what you *really* think, Ken
    cyber-whiz  Watson   IBM-founder's namesake that
    plays Jeopardy! really really good (clobbered Rutter & Jennings in February 2011 match)

    Green Acres character  Arnold Ziffel   was NOT a human ... Arnold was a Pig ... as in Bacon; died in 1972; ashed interred with trainer

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