General
In order to access pages in this website your computer has reached out
electronically through the internet to a server in the United States of
America to request computer data --- contrary to the Australian Supreme
Court's bizarre interpretation of how the 'net works the points of
publication, request & delivery are here in the USA. By accessing this
site you have agreed to fully indemnify on demand the site owners/operators
for any future expenses associated with that visit (translation - we've
never been to Australia --- if you sue us from there (or some other equally
crackpot jurisdiction) based upon some violation of their "laws"
expect to face a return complaint & demands for immediate
compenstation for our losses (don't forget, pain and suffering and
emotional distress don't come cheap in the land of hurt feelings).
The best thing you can do is get off the net, pack your worthless
keester in styrofoam and stay in a closet for the rest of your life.
In order to experience this site in its optimum form we suggest the following software/hardware/connectivity capabilities:
- Browser:
- full-screen, Frames-enabled; Mozilla, Netscape or Opera; versions 4 or later
- CPU:
- 8Ghz +
- Disc Cache Size:
- 500Tb +
- Monitor:
- Color; operating at 2,400 by 1,600 pixels, 48 bits-per-pixel
- System RAM:
- 128Gb +
- Internet Connectivity:
- OC640 +
There is only one browser-specific feature in use in this website: the
animated GIF background behind the title (at the top of the main page).
This website is perpetually in various stages of construction.
There are always numerous typographical errors and formatting anomalies as
we add new entries ... we get to them as fast as we can. Please check the
"Whats New" section for news about major changes
to the site.
Remember, this is a "personal" site created by the webspace tenant;
GoDaddy.com is merely the
current ISP for the site and is not responsible for its content (meaning
— they can pull the plug on it at any time if they decide that the
content is not to their liking).
If you wish to link to this website, please [Click Here] for information.
A note on the banner ads that appear in
this website: they are now actual ads ... no more "just for the fun
of it". Now you may advertise on this very website! Learn how by
[ CLICKING HERE ]!
There is no such thing as Entrant-Audit Committee Privilege ... if
someone in Homeland Security thinks that you are misbehaving we'll give
you up in a heartbeat. If you start pestering people on your entry
list we will make the call turning you in. Imagine sitting
before a panel of bloviating politicians who will be asking "Are you
now or have you ever been an entrant in Caskets on Parade?"
Book of the Dead
- These databases are not an "approved pool" of names that must
be used when entering our annual contest; all 6.7+ billion people on
the planet are "fair game" for listing as a selection. However, only
stiffs that meet the
notability criteria may score points for
an entrant.
- For the benefit of law enforcement worldwide - this website is
not some kind of "hit list". It is a dead pool database (there
is a difference). First clue - more than half the people listed
here are already dead. Second clue - we've been at it for over
30 years. Third clue - it you've read this far you probably should be
looking at some other line of work; your deductive skills are lacking.
- Dates provided fall within their respective calendars (Roman, Julian
or Gregorian). Where multiple causes of death are listed, the first is
the immediate cause with subsequent items being long-term contributing
causes. Deaths in Woodland Hills, California have usually occured at the
Motion Picture Home & Hospital.
- For some notable individuals there may
appear to be date-data conflicts between our database and others. These
conflicts grow out of the celebrity's own false statements about their
birthdates or sketchy records. When a year of birth is in question we
always assume the oldest alleged date unless proven otherwise (this
results in a lower score in the contest). Also, some people die alone
and wait to be "found." In those cases, and absent any forensic evidence
to pin down a date, we always use the "date last seen" as the basis for
the date of death, NOT the "date found dead." This is especially
important when death occurs around the birth date (affecting Age at
Death) or the end/start of a year (affecting which contest year they are
listed in and/or Uniqueness of Selection).
- The databases are always growing (subject to the standard
"notability" considerations). During the year
checking back on a 6 to 8 week basis should be sufficient to catch an
entire site update (the least frequent type that occurs). Between
complete site updates the less-frequently updated pages will lose
synchronization with the frequently updated pages; Recent
Obituaries may point to names in a file that will be updated some
time later in the month.
- The master list is broken down in many ways. If you need to search
the database for a specific name or word you are advised to select the
"Full Listings" file at the end of the "Dead," "Pre-Mortum" or "Other"
database groupings; when loaded use your browser's FIND function (Ctrl-F)
to locate a key word or phrase. Since we list full names you are advised
to limit your search to one or two words, lower case. For example, a
search for "bill clinton" would produce no results, since he is listed
as "William Jefferson Blythe Clinton" in the database.
We're sorry we can't offer a better search facility at this time, but
the Lottery Fairy hasn't come through with the winning numbers to the
Powerball jackpot yet.
- The web pages comprising the
Book of the Dead database are provided by
the Caskets On Parade Audit
Committee as a common resource for the preparation of future entries
into our annual contest. The fact that you may have been directed into this
site by a search engine does not establish the website as a public document,
meant for consumption by non-dead pool contestants.
The information in this database is, to the
best of our knowledge, accurate, although some items are intentionally
& obviously "nuts" to trip up the lazy
college/high school/middle school/home school "scholar"
that is too feeble to crack a real book.
A database of this size will
always contain errors --- please report them to The
C.O.P. Audit Committee. Some data items contain the entry "??"
... we are hoping that someone out there can enlighten us as to the
correct information (usually an age or date).
Data in this website comes
from a variety of places ... here is a partial
list of our sources. The individuals listed in this database have
(or would have) met the criteria of "notability" required to score points
in the annual contest. Many of the "older" listings (individuals having
died prior to 1978) are here either because we wished to provide a
"backward" link from references in a still-living or recently deceased
individual listing or because we think that they are important
enough to warrant inclusion despite the probability that even the
dumbest person on Earth wouldn't think they were still alive and put
them on next year's entry. The absence of an individual's name from
these databases does not imply that they are still alive or
dead. The Audit Committee is
not responsible for Contest Entrants including
Grim Reaper
Victim names that do
not appear in the "dead" databases but are, in fact, deceased.
- The editorial content of the obituaries reflect
the opinions (flaming and otherwise)
of the Audit Committee, not necessarily the website host/ISP/data
carrier/InterNIC/Al Gore Jr.
Some of the content of this website
is fictional, made up, outlandishly wrong, total
hooie, Bravo Sierra;
if you are using this site for academic research, please confirm all data
from two or more additional references. We will not be responsible
for your academic failure/dismissal/discipline resulting from
the usage of the content of this website. .
- The most frequently updated pages involve Recent obituaries, being
updated every seven to ten days. Individual alphabetic databases are
updated as new data is entered, usually once monthly. The derivative
databases are updated on a bi-monthly basis. The last complete site
update of the year will occur after the Thanksgiving weekend; if
preparing a contest entry the large full-database files should
not be consulted after this time since they will not be updated
again before entries are due. The last update of the year of individual
alphabetic pages will occur by Christmas. The last update of the year of
the Recent Deaths page will occur by
December 29th.
- Other websites wishing to link to the database portion of this
website are advised to link to the main page only [Click
Here] to get the HTML code to make the linkage.
- The Book of
the Dead website and individual pages are ©Copyright MCMLXXVIII
through MMX.
Caskets On Parade
Audit Committee, All Rights Reserved.
Any reproduction, retransmission or other use of the pages & data in this
website without the prior express written consent of
Al Gore Jr.
(you know, he invented the Internet!),
Arbuckle F. Brunswick III
(Commissioner of Internet Trivia) &
Samuel L. Bronkowitz
Holdings, Plc. is prohibited.
- The flipping-page book icon marks a link to a related web page «or»
image of a document that was used as a reference source for the creation of that
particular entry.
- Name entries that are accompanied by a small cyan ball have a link to
a gross and/or disturbing image. DO NOT follow those links if you are in
any way offended by images of death.

- Name entries that are accompanied by small carats (left and/or
right-pointing arrows) are part of an ordered list of individuals
and have links pointing to the previous & subsequent persons in that
ordered list. The lists are ordered chronologically, not alphabetically.
Examples of such lists: Popes of the Roman Catholic Church; U.S.
Presidents; NFL Commissioners; Playboy Playmates.
Such lists are enumerated in the Miscellaneous data files (such as
[Groups] or [Events]).
- The image displayed to the right (the Playboy
Rabbit Head logo with a microphone), associated with database entries,
indicates that the individuals were the subject of a full interview in
Playboy magazine; clicking on the image will
take you to the master listing of individuals that were interviewed in
the magazine & their interviewers.
The tangerine tinted Bunny Logo image, also associated with database
entries, indicates that the individual did a "quickie" 20 Questions
interview for Playboy; clicking on the
image takes you to the full listing of 20 Questions interview subjects
and their interviewers.
- The small image of Charles Babbage's Difference Engine, associated
with database entries, indicates that the individual was the recipient of the
Association for Computing Machinery's A.M. Turing
Award; clicking on the image takes you to the
Table of Turing Award winners.
- The small image of the Nobel Prize Award Medallion, also associated with
database entries, indicates that the individual was the recipient of a
Nobel Prize; clicking on the image takes you to the Table of Nobel Prize
winners for the year of their award.
- The small image of the Dodo bird signifies someone that we would encourage
people to pick for "hate list" entries, not because we really believe that they
will be gone any time soon but because we believe that they've already over-stayed
their welcome on this planet. Maybe their bad Karma will finally catch
up with them.
- Occasionally, someone sends us "nice" E-mail (the kind that doesn't
contain Visual Basic or Active X attachments or Java craplets). We've
assembled them here for your perusal.
- And, beyond the "nice" comments, there are the places that C.O.P. turns
up - for example, a California State, Chico, Journalism class (Journalism
321 - Public Affairs Reporting). Check out the what the professor
posted online in the Spring Semester 2009 class schedule, week 7 Resource ...
[ GOOGLE Cache version from March 12, 2009 ] (1.06Mb MHTML file).
- Statistics about this website's traffic may be found
[here].
- The database includes individuals whose date of birth is in dispute
by the Guinness Book of World Records. We have serious problems
with the Guinness exclusion criteria; since they themselves have not
achieved any kind of certification of legitimacy from any international
authority (preferrably the U.N.) their own standing as a certifying
agency is nil. E-mail from Guinness apologists challenging our position
on this matter will be deleted unread.
Formal C.O.P. Contact Procedures
Any questions concerning these policies must be
presented to the Audit Committee in the following manner: ASCII text
written in 288-point Times Roman typeface, left justified with ¼-meter
margins, engraved on the face of an atomically pure (non-alloy, single
isotope), polished, Astatine slab measuring exactly 2 meters in
width, 5 meters in length and ½-meter in thickness; transmitted
within a shipping container composed of an inner (2-meter thickness)
cushion composed of laminated Bristlecone Pine boards that have been
pressure treated for 798 hours at a temperature of 489º Kelvin with
a fixative agent composed of a mixture produced by blending equal volumes
of: baby Harp Seal bile, fermented Snail Darter chum, chilled bottle-nose
dolphin marrow, clarified Dodo mucous, turpentine, reagent grade acetone,
benzene, and dioxin; and an outer (10-meter thickness) casing of
solidified Xenon that has a 150-nanometer veneer of textured Uranium 238;
sent First Class, Registered, Return Receipt Requested, Next Day Delivery
U.S. Mail to Samuel L.
Bronkowitz Productions, P.O. Box 666666, East Lansing, MI
48826-6666-66. Allow 100-billion years for response from the date of
receipt by the Audit Committee.
page last updated
11/26/2009 |
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